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ganapati
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Posted on 12-29-08 6:32
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. .....Sorry about this, but the stock market is still in the
news........
1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys
people but keeps the building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay
Leno
2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now
being called Wal Mart Street - Jay Leno
3. The difference between a
pigeon and a London investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a
BMW
4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las
Vegas and an investment banker? A tie!
5. The problem with
investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on
the right side nothing's left.
6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who
might be watching our show, if you get any emails from Washington asking for
money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it - Jay Leno
7. Bush was asked about
the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite candy bar - Jay Leno
8.
The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even thicker. They
had to include pictures - Jay Leno
9. President Bush's response was to
meet some small business owners in San Antonio last week. The small business
owners are General Motors, General Electric and Century 21 - Jay
Leno
10. What worries me most about the
credit crunch, is that if one of my cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient
funds'. I won't know whether that refers to mine or the bank's
New
Stock Market Terms
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET -- A random
market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial
genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no
allowance, the wife gets no jewellery.
VALUE INVESTING -- The art of
buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors
wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER -- What my
broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a
nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your
stock.
STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has
been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy
stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down
the toilet.
YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker
for $240 per share.
WINDOWS -- What you jump out of when you're the
sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past
year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT -- An archaic
word no longer in use.
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OBAMA
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Posted on 12-29-08 7:35
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